Have a Happy Festivus. Or Don’t. I Don’t Care!

Another year has gone by and let me tell you how much of a disappointment it has been. 2017 can’t come soon enough to be honest. Now before I carry on to the airing of grievances and the feats of strength, let me make it perfectly clear that I won’t bother posting a trigger warning or any kind of disclaimer. Does that offend you? Did I hurt your feelings? Good! Those were my intentions. Now get into the Festivus spirit and carry on reading or leave.

On the state of the Toronto DJ Scene/Culture…

I think there are two DJ scenes going on simultaneously. I think there is a younger, newer scene that caters more to the young dance party crowd that has people coming out regardless of who is spinning because they want to dance and have a good time. At the same time, I think there is a much older, more selective scene where DJs are trying harder to have their own sound that people will specifically come out to see.

Unfortunately, it is the younger, newer scene that is dominating both venues and the overall culture tied to dance music. Every weekend I get emails, tweets, facebook invites from one of these morons inviting me to their “special event”…where they play exactly the same unspectacular crap hour after hour. But that’s not what bothers me. What bothers me is you, the useful idiot, who like a guppy in a fish bowl opens up your mouth and swallows it hook, line and sinker. You putz you. With very few exceptions, you are paying a kings ransom at the door for cover and being served DOG FOOD. Enough already with this prog-minimal-house garbage. Aren’t you at all interested in something else?

On the Music Scene in General…

About 90% of the 600 tracks I listen to each month are complete dog turd. Much of this has to do with the volume of music released itself, having reduced any traces of A&R or self investment to rubble. Do you honestly think you are going to find an mp3 file on a 400gb MacBook in 5 years? Most of you idiots can’t find your own ass if you used both of your hands!

Before you dismiss me as “some old fart” hanging on to “the old days”, consider this. Back in the day, if you wanted to buy music, you had to physically get off your behind and go to the record store. You had to actually talk to people working there to find the good stuff.

Nowadays, in the digital era, people sit on their computers, sales algorithms give them “suggestions”, breeding “Beatport Chart” syndrome, where everyone just ends up downloading the same stuff that sits on said chart for months at a time.

People wonder why the music played at EVERY party sounds the same. It’s because it IS.

On Social Media…

Dance music has experienced an explosion since the turn of the millennium and much of that has to do with the advent of social media. If you compare adoptions of platforms such as Facebook and Twitter and Google Searches related to Techno, House and other dance music genres, you will see that their growth patterns are aligned.

Unfortunately, that’s where the positives end. A significant majority of DJs I encounter use social media as a channel of endless self-promotion, rather than a channel of engagement. I am not sure if whether it is excessive drug use that has rotten your brains, or if you were just born that way, but these superficial campaigns appear to be enormously successful. Let me ask you this? How many of these DJs have asked you to contribute to content creation or curation? The answer is almost none. Because they don’t care about you. They care about their image, posting “risque” photo’s of themselves and their friends on the web for degenerates to look at and tag one another.

That’s the reason why I don’t have a Facebook page. I mean, who is on Facebook anyway? Go on, have a look at your list of “friends”. A majority of your “friends” would include ex boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s, people you don’t talk to anymore and randomers you met at a party. But if you really, genuinely want to hear what I have to say, why don’t you subscribe to my newsletter you shmuck? Is that too much typing for you moron? Then how about visiting my Mixcloud and listening to one of my mixes which barely get much likes?

Make a Festivus Miracle Happen

I had you going didn’t I? If I had you fooled, donate a dollar towards my 500 dollar goal on Patreon you cheap bastard! Like, Share and Comment on this article if you enjoyed it, or didn’t. I don’t care.

Happy Festivus. Or Not.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,


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